Lysen: Educate yourself on the perfect slice of pizza
- Feb. 13, 2013
- 3 Comments
If you’re reading this, you’re probably in college. And if you’re in college, you probably have a pretty steady diet of pie.
Everyone loves pizza — From college students to fake assistant basketball coaches. But there are some people that don’t understand that not all slices are cut the same perfect triangle. And because of that, I see many of my college brethren suffer.
They suffer from pizza ignorance.
It’s no secret that Lawrence is a small unique dot in the vast sea of red that is Kansas. So you’ve probably already heard about the great local businesses that this city has to offer. Pizza joints are no exception. Massachusetts Street is littered with local pizza eateries, and it seems that there is a different parlor every step you take.
Side note: this will be the only time I acknowledge corporate pizza chains. They are not worth my time, and if you think they are better than one of the many lovely local pizza parlors in town, stop reading here.
Because there are so many local joints, many students are overwhelmed and don’t realize that they suffer from pizza ignorance. This means they often just eat the closest slice of pie and don’t even stop to think they may be making a terrible decision.
For instance, Ian Cummings, two-term Kansan Editor-in-Chief and 1999 Kansas High School Basketball Association Slam-Dunk Contest Runner-Up, loves pizza. Today, Cummings is the Public Safety reporter for the Lawrence Journal-World. In some circles, people call his position a “crime reporter.” I find this ironic, because Cummings has a history of crimes against humanity.
Those crimes he committed? Choosing the wrong pizza.
“I apologize for nothing,” Cummings said in an exclusive phone interview conducted as I wrote this column. “I like the pizza I like and everyone else is wrong. Rudy’s is the best pizza in town, and many other pizza places are inferior. Your column is similarly inferior if it doesn’t conform to my preferences.”
During his Editor-in-Chief tenure, Cummings and I constantly battled in the Kansan newsroom over what is “good” pizza. But I wasn’t the President of the Kansan Tuesday Night Pizza Club for nothing. Cummings often didn’t even show up.
I’m willing to say that every local pizza place in Lawrence is “good” pizza, but what I really want is “world-class-perfectly-triangular-out-of-this-world” pizza. And only a few places can provide that.
I must also note that I do take location into account, but only a little bit. Availability is also a factor, but, again, only a small one. I do believe that traveling to a pizza parlor, and what time you can secure a perfect slice is important in college culture. I don’t want to fault those pizza places that aren’t near Massachusetts Street, but sometimes when you’re staggering out of the bar and need a slice, Massachusetts Street pizza parlors have a much better chance to blow your alcohol-induced mind.
So only a few local joints still fit the criteria. Because I have spent several years in Lawrence and had plenty of late night pizza cravings, I know that Pyramid Pizza is the only joint that can provide the world-class pizza I want — nay, need.
I do enjoy all the other local pizza eateries, but when Cummings comes to me with a slice from Rudy’s, Minsky’s, or even a ridiculously disproportional Papa Keno’s slice, I know he just doesn’t understand pizza. He is pizza ignorant.
So my dear friends, colleagues, classmates, and, most importantly, pizzamates: I must educate you on pizza. Go out there, find a local joint, and enjoy at least a “good” slice.
And for the love of pizza, stay away from Pizza Hut, Dominoes and Papa Johns.
Dylan Lysen is a senior from Andover majoring in journalism. Read more from Dylan Lysen.