May: Better ways to use your leftovers


Well, it’s been a week since Thanksgiving, and, like many of you, I still have leftover turkey and trimmings in the fridge. You might be tempted to turn it all into turkey sandwiches or stuffing milkshakes like you did last year, but if you want to get more creative with your leftovers, I’ve got some great ideas for you to try.


Who didn’t love messing around on an Etch-a-Sketch as a kid? I sure didn’t; the knobs would always get stuck, and whatever I was trying to draw would end up looking like the lovechild of a Picasso painting and a circuit board. So I would always sneak off to the kitchen instead and write messages in the leftover stuffing with a knife. If you do this surreptitiously enough, you can get people to believe that your house is haunted and your leftovers have been possessed by an angry poltergeist.


The last couple weeks of classes are always stressful, and sometimes you need an excuse to get away for a few hours. If you mix stuffing and cranberry sauce together, smuggle the resulting slop into your mouth while the professor isn’t looking, and spit it out in the messiest way possible, you’ll have no problems with leaving a room or clearing it.
For a more effective variant, leave the cranberry sauce sitting on the counter overnight. If you’re lucky, this should attract the germs you need to make some…


If you’re already doing the “possessed stuffing” schtick, what better way to complement it than with a little Exorcist-style projectile puking?


Sometimes, no matter how well you’ve seasoned your bird, you get the feeling that one important herb is still missing. If you’ve got a nearly intact turkey in the deep freeze, you can remedy this problem by hollowing that sucker out, adding some PVC pipe and having a smoke with it. Plus, by the time you’ve finished up and the munchies have set in, your “smoked turkey” should be warm enough to make a passable snack.
Don’t be afraid to do this with your holiday birds in December, too; even if you don’t smoke, a properly prepared birdbong would make a great gift for your relatives in Colorado!


Radio stations start playing their Christmas music earlier every year, and, as you know, there’s nothing worse than getting “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” stuck in your head before the first of December rolls around. Well, I guess you could say that getting two small chunks of turkey stuck in your head would be worse, but I personally think homemade turkey earplugs are a wonderful way to block out those cheesy carols until it starts to look a little more like Christmas. Be sure to swap them out for a fresh pair every couple of days, and make sure your friends know that, if they need to tell you something while the plugs are in, they should either text you or write it on your new “Stuff-a-Sketch.”

May is a sophomore majoring in German and journalism from Derby.

Dylan Lysen is a senior from Andover majoring in journalism. Read more from .

  • Updated Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm
  • disqus_WKxZBjUhSL

    I love Sylas May.