Crawford: Stop studying, the end is nigh
- Nov. 28, 2012
- 0 Comments
The end is near, my friends.
School is starting to wind down, and by the time you read this you’ll most likely be ready to curl up in a fetal position and cry yourself into a sleep so deep your parents will think it’s a coma. You’re probably just now starting to think about that term paper due next week; you know the one you’ve had literally all semester to think about? All the hope and promise of the coming break seeps into your study habits causing you to spend more time pricing out trips to Mexico with your “besties” rather than focusing on that final exam that’s worth 30 percent of your grade. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, right? Wrong.
Just in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past four years (which now that I’m saying that, I think of all the graduate students that probably have) the world is going to end on Dec. 21. At least, that’s what the Mayan’s predicted. Which means all the stressing you did over passing your Western Civ class that you never attended is now just wasted time. All the planning and arguing you did with your friends over whether to go to Cabo or Rio for that week-long bender financed by Mom and Dad doesn’t matter anymore, because even if you get there before Dec. 21, you’ll still die in Mexico. And let’s be honest, no one wants that.
Now before you panic, break up with your significant other and sell all your belongings for money to live it up in Vegas for the next few weeks, let’s consider the possibilities.
The first possibility is that maybe nothing will happen at all. The ancient prediction prophesized by the Mayans could be nothing but a sensationalized misinterpretation of what probably was some poor bloke’s menial pre-capitalized job. Maybe Joe, the old calendar scribe, got tired of etching dates into a calendar thinking, “Why do I have to write out a calendar for the next 2,000 years? Surely someone else will pick up where I left off!” Unfortunately for Joe, no one did, and now we’re all going to die.
Another positive outcome could be that given the introduction of modern timekeeping and updated calendars, we’ve already passed the dreaded Dec. 21, 2012, date and we’re all still alive. Many scientists have said that this is likely the case, and that there’s nothing to worry about. I don’t remember the names of these scientists, per se, but I read about it on the Internet so trust me on this one.
Then again, the last possibility might be the Mayans were correct, and some God-awful catastrophe strikes man off the face of the earth like in that awesome movie starring John Cusack. I can only hope that if the Earth’s tectonic plates start to shift that violently that I’ll have someone as diligent and situationally witty as him by my side as everything hits the fan.
But if the world does come to an end, how will it happen? Will it be a violent climate change? Will it be a giant meteor that strikes the Earth? Will dragons come out of hiding deep beneath London’s Underground and reclaim the lands? Will Jake Gyllenhaal, Bruce Willis, or Matthew McConaughey be there to save us from certain death, defying the odds, and at many times science to save our lives? We can only pray.
There’s really no way to tell how the dice will fall, but you can rest assured that no matter the outcome there’s nothing we can really do about it. Unless of course I run into Tom Cruise and we stave off the alien invasion together. And if that’s the case, you’re welcome in advance.
Crawford is senior majoring in journalism from Olathe.
Dylan Lysen is a senior from Andover majoring in journalism. Read more from Dylan Lysen.