Free For All: September 12, 2012

Text your FFA submissions to 785-289-8351 or in the Free For All section on Kansan.com

• There is no such thing as a “defenseless” squirrel in Lawrence. Sleep with one eye open tonight.
• Wow, a joke about counting down towards basketball season, never head that one before…
• To the girl wearing Uggs with sweatpants… Too soon!

Thoughts on the way to class: they should make staircases a lot narrower so that all the people going down are forced to slide down the railing.

A crabapple just fell out of a tree and hit me in the head. Prepare yourselves for a profound revolution in physics.

Ultimate male dating advice: I do the “wounded gazelle” thing. I just wait for the lioness to pounce.

I love being naked.

Not even my professors Australian accent can keep me awake.

My roommate after learning her friend is pregnant: people need to close their legs and open some books.

The FFA needs a section for picture entries.

There is a unicorn on campus. She bleeds sprinkles.

It’s sad when you text the FFA more than you text your boyfriend.
Editor’s note: I keep telling you, it isn’t going to work out between us.

I’m not stumbling, I’m walking in cursive.

So… if the security guard at Watson is asleep… what exactly is he supposed to protect us from?

If she were president she would be Baberaham Lincoln.

Careful bus driver. I saw you smile. Wouldn’t want to get fired now.

To the person who wants fans to stay past the first quarter… The band thanks you.

I thought the George Michael article was about “Arrested Development.” Man did I get gypped.

Forget Five Guys, we need an In-n-out on campus.

Doing homework or reading “Spiderman” comics… College problems.

Listening to the “Mortal Kombat” theme song before my econ exam. This test is already over.

I miss Dan. It hasn’t been the same since he left.

First White Owl, now Dan? Who’s next? Come on KU, we need some sanity relief!

If she has a British accent, she’s just right for you, bro.

No more Western Civ? I’ll be expecting a reimbursement check for time wasted, books purchased, and listening to the prick in discussion.

• Updated Sep. 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm