- May. 2, 2012
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What’s the secret to getting a date with the girl you’ve been eyeing all night? Relationship experts agree that bringing your good-looking, charming friend along could increase your chances. Greg K, the owner of GK Dating, a social coaching company, says the industry recognizes a term called “social proof,” which says that you are judged by the company you keep.
“If you’re with cool friends, or even an attractive female friend, who speak highly of you, this will boost your odds of making a good impression on women. It’s no different from getting a reference for a job,” says Greg.
In fact, a study by the University of British Columbia concluded that people pay closer attention to an attractive person, so a good wingman could improve the way potential mates look at you. Reasons like this are why Maurice Jackson, a dating expert and author of the “Supernatural Seduction System,” says having a wingman can be a valuable tool when trying to pick up someone.
Step one: Find your wingman
Before you go out and test your luck, you need to find your partner in crime. Thomas Edwards, the founder of The Professional Wingman, a dating and lifestyle consulting company, says a good place to look is in your own social circle. But, Edwards says, if you don’t know anyone that fits the bill, check out nearby bars and house parties.
“Ask if you could roll with them and meet women too. You would be surprised at how many guys are willing to help other guys,” Edwards says.
Greg K says finding a good wingman is much like finding a girlfriend: you have to have the right chemistry together. He also says that he has had luck on websites that match you to wingmen based on your geographic location.
Edwards says it’s important to choose the right wingman who will ultimately help you attract the most people. While he says wingmen come in all personality types, they all have an ability to connect with people, whether it’s telling stories or getting someone to open up.
“A wingman doesn’t have to be this amazing Don Draper type, as long as he’s prioritizing your love life over his and he can connect with women. The best wingmen are always thinking about helping their friend,” Edwards says.
Jackson agrees that selflessness is the most important element of a good wingman. He suggests that the ultimate wingman employs a strategy known as “jumping on the grenade,” in which he makes a move on the least attractive woman in the group so that his friend will be accepted by the more attractive woman. Moves like this from your wingman, says Jackson, are crucial in order to seal the deal with the object of your desire.
“The more we are connected by technology, the faster we lose our ability to really communicate at the core-to-core level with other human beings. Be a more fun and social person — the seduction just comes as a byproduct,” Jackson says.
Step two: Use your wingman
Once you have secured a reliable wingman, Edwards suggests taking him out for a test drive. The benefits of having a wingman, says Edwards, will be immediately noticeable. Make sure your wingman is socially savvy however, as Edwards offers this piece of indispensible advice: You are only as cool as your wingman.
“Your wingman should be acting as a logistics manager, and making the connections between you and the girl more seamless. That’s the goal of the wingman — he’s there to make it easier for you to focus on talking and interacting with the girl,” says Edwards.
While your primary job is to connect with someone, Jackson says learning how to utilize your wingman is a necessary skill as well. Your wingman can serve as “opening bait” by warming up the crowd before you join the conversation, to ensure that the person you want to meet will open up to you. Your wingman will also be invaluable in drawing the crowd away from you and the person you’re with, so you can enjoy some quality time together.
“The wingman should be seen as the tool or “double agent” of seduction. They act as friendly guys, but they are really understanding the relationships between the girls they are targeting and assessing how viable it is for his own friends to succeed that night,” says Jackson.
Step three: Return the favor
Stephen, a senior, says his first experience as a wingman was unsuccessful, to say the least. He was at a loud, crowded bar and was pushed into a circle of women that were unwelcoming, to say the least.
“I had to go break the ice with the girls, and I could tell right away that they weren’t interested. I tried to be funny and make a joke about how there were five of us and five of them, but they obviously thought I was a creeper,” he says.
To avoid awkward situations like Stephen’s, Edwards suggests being extra-confident and making an effort to understand the situation you’re in, so that you can use certain strategies to your advantage.
“With my clients, if I notice their drinks are empty, I order another round. Nothing ruins a conversation more than trying to get a bartender’s attention,” Edwards says.
Whatever you do, Edwards cautions against any behavior that may come across as rude or offensive — it will ruin your friend’s chances of success.
“If you’re rude, your friend is also going to be seen that way. If they’re thinking ‘Wow, this guy is a dick,’ they’re going to make sure their friend doesn’t connect with your friend,” says Edwards.